Let’s Try Something New
Ok, so I met another Frenchman, Pierre.
Now I have some more stats for comparing french and italian men. See this earlier post.
Let’s step back. Lately I am having some experiments on tinder. It does not mean I am doing something special there, which I don’t do in real life, like pretending to be someone else or acting in a weird way to track the reaction. Note: I thought of presenting myself as a woman of a more creative speciality. That was my most exotic idea. See how un-adventerous I am. I just don’t like lying.
I do other type of experiments. I try doing new things, I watch men act someway, I watch how I like that new way of my behavior and how it makes me feel.
I’m not talking about sex. It’s too obvious about sex. Let’s put sex aside here.
For example I was uncomfortable saying ‘No’ in general in life. Many of us have such a fault, while some has the opposite extreme. Anyway. I learnt to say “no” to tinder men. Again, it’s not about sex. It’s about the interaction. Tinder helped me try things with the men who are not that important to me. Then once I master some skill, I apply it in my usual life.
In this way I tried, learnt and applied many useful things. At the same time I figured what is important to me and what is not, what I like and what I don’t, which men I like and which not.
Disclosure: I like wise men preferably working in creative fields, who know about arts, who are simple and straight forward, who know who they are but are opened to changes. Who like sex (both accepting and giving pleasure). Who accept their tenderness inside (not being manly only). They can and should be manly because they are actually men, but they could be broad-minded and liberal and accept other inner sides like feeling pain, sadness, fear etc. We are all people after all. I think that the real man strength comes with these features. Who are respectful, polite and cautious (another special tinder man taught me this word).
The discovery I want to share in is the same area. I think it’s really cool and I’m proud of it.
This story is a few months long. First there was a frenchman, Dylan (photographer), then there was Italian, Fabio (art director in a movie sphere), then the second frenchman Pierre (philosophy teacher). With each next of these men my relations towards and with a man developed. I mean it lasted longer and was deeper.
With first french I did not feel the connection during sex, but felt much afterwards. I learnt to feel happy next to a man. I felt care and tenderness.
Note 1: Sex was good as well.
Note 2: I may be exaggerating a bit, but my feeling of happiness with a man was long ago before that.
Note 3: I’m talking about happiness in the moment, not the life-size happiness. But I believe they are connected.
Second (Italian man) was a quintessence of manliness, care, confidence, handsomeness, cruelty. I felt very special with him. There I had more care than with the first man, more interesting/passionate sex, art and personal deep talks. So it was a combination of 3 things, which are important to me.
Third (French) man had more of diversity, I mean he accepted his weaknesses. To me it means honesty with self and others. We had deep talks about paintings and artists. It was so much fun. I miss such talks a lot. I don’t have many people to discuss this shit with. I do have 3–5 friend, and that’s it. I feel lonely in this. We were together for 3 days. And i felt uncomfortable at first when he holds my hand and kisses me. I then figured that it was because I think there are men for different things and they can not be overlapped. Like men for sex, tenderness, clever and deep talks. I do believe that manliness can be in each of these types. That’s an achievement of mine:) So I talked through this feeling to him. Yes, i’m a bit too honest too early. We talked a bit and then that uncomfortable feeling vanished. I loved it that we could talk complicated feelings and stuff and overcome this. I like sensitive men. He was sensitive enough to feel when I felt or behaved differently. He then asked “what’s wrong” and then we talked about it openly. Wow.
My conclusion from this 3-men story
I can stay longer and longer with one man, standing him the way he is. There are men who in their own personality combine a few important to me things. With each man more and more I can talk inconvenient but important feelings and find a way out together and still stay together (even if it is just for this very short period of time).
With the first man — he vanished after I opened up on a larger scale. He did stay when we had other deep inconvenient talks during his stay. Well, moreover he came to my place when I told him I feel physically really bad and he wanted to help. It was super pleasant. the inconvenient part was about him saying he felt I was distant from him during sex. Indeed I was , but understood that after a few days. I was shocked a man noticed it, and I did not. I was distant because I liked him and I did not want to get connected too fast, because he leaves soon and I will feel hurt. After he left the city I said something which was unbearable to him. I talked about being happy next to him.
With the second man — I could not express my concerns when I was with him. But I brought it up after I left. He kind of agreed and understood me.
The third man was the most mature in this aspect or maybe we just matched better that with the previous ones.
I’m learning to be with men the one WHO I really am. I learn to be myself more with other men. Sometimes they get scared and walk away. That’s fine. I understand that. They are not my men then. They do not feel comfortable with the things I do or think. And it’s great to talk this through early on. And we either move along together knowing more about each other and accepting the real each other. Or each of us moves on to the next person in search of someone close who can stand our weirdness.
There is another noticeable point: they are all foreigners.